Archive for Charlie sheen

Its The End Of The World

Posted in Disaster with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , on March 19, 2011 by Suge White

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In case you haven’t noticed, 2012 is bearing down on us like an out of control station wagon with a coked-up James Brown behind the wheel.  We are all watching as massive earthquakes, tsunamis, and hurricanes rock our tranquility.  All the while, Charlie Sheen is running around like some half assed anti-christ trying to corrupt our youthful exuberance.  Seriously people, we need to put down the crack pipes and pick up the shovels. We should be building bomb shelters… or space ships… or some really cool kind of oven that runs on the decaying remnants of our hopes and dreams.  The bottom line is that we should be preparing for our Armageddon.  And even if we can’t save our selves, we should at least be trying to live it up while we are still here.  With that being said, go out and try some new things.  I’ve never helped an old lady cross a street with her groceries, so guess what is first on my list of things to do? If you guessed ‘helping an old lady cross the street’, you are an idiot for thinking I’m going to waste my final days helping out those that have lived much more life than I will ever see.  Sorry, grandma but I’m going to steal your groceries and pawn them off to buy some heroin.  I’ve never done heroin before, nor have I ever wanted to, but hell, the world is going to end and I’m interested to see what all the hype is about.  I’ll have a needle in my arm, a crack pipe in my mouth (which I picked up after accepting my impending doom), and a dirty chick on the end of my dick.  No more caring and no more thoughts.  All that will be left is black tar and hideous lower back tattoos.  Get like me and accept the inevitable.

Sex, Drugs, and Sheen

Posted in Disaster, Fucked Up People with tags , , , , , , , , on March 4, 2011 by Suge White

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Can we please stop talking about Charlie Sheen?  I will admit that I do it myself but there’s no denying that it’s a worn out story.  Infatuation is down right unhealthy.  We shouldn’t spend so much otherwise liveable time hemorrhaging over the downfall of a single drug infested individual.  Charlie Sheen is hardly the first celebrity to meet the downfall of drugs.  Let us not forget Keith Richards, Bobby and Whitney, or all of those “that kid who was in all those movies”.  They are all just people… who occasionally smoke crack and fantasize about creating sex mansions.  I think that it’s time that we all start living like celebrities because, obviously, that’s what peaks the interest Americans.  We should go out, do our own drugs, fuck our own hookers, and create our own temporarily quotable moments of pure insanity.  I don’t know about you but while I may not be able to afford a suitecase filled with blow, I could probably afford to fill a camera case or a small jewelry box if I really wanted… and lets be honest, that’s still alot of blow (or so I’ve heard…. from other people).

Wintery Retards

Posted in Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , on February 2, 2011 by Suge White

Well, I live in a land that is currently buried up to Shaquille O’Neil’s nipples in snow.  However, that does not give anyone, even me, the right to complain.  We choose to live here…. and I say this assuming that no infants, domesticated animals, slaves, or Russian spies follow my incoherent ramblings. So now that you all know that we shouldn’t be complaining, STOP FUCKING COMPLAINING! So what if it takes you an extra hour to get to work? Fucking suck it up, get up up early, dig your God damn car out the snow, and slip-and-slide your ass to work. I’ve lived in Massachusetts for 27 years, I am well aware that it gets cold in the winter and that occasionally some sort of slick white stuff falls from the sky.  I’ve learned to deal with it and to take those opportunities to make cheap shot jokes at the likes of Darryl Strawberry and Charlie Sheen. And if your not the type to ridicule others for their excessively publicized indiscretions, just keep your mouth shut and carry on. Don’t give me this ‘I can’t believe how slick these roads are’ horse shit. If you honestly can’t believe this is happening, you are a retard.