Archive for alcohol

Graduation

Posted in Disaster, Great American Pastimes with tags , , , , , , , on May 12, 2011 by Suge White

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After much tribulation, I have finally attained a college degree. Don’t ask what I learned because I didn’t learn much.  Don’t ask how I did it because I don’t remember. Just know that it is done. During this time, I drank too much, I practiced unsafe promiscuity, and I once attempted to register a pumpkin to vote. Needless to say, these years have been very important to my personal development. But now, we move on. Now when I drink beer, I won’t be a student. I’ll be a drunk.  Now when I pull a prank, I won’t be a class clown.  I’ll be an asshole. And now if I pick up some chick at a party, I won’t be just having fun.  I’ll be having herpes. With the proper reflection, I would say that I need to go back to school so I can avoid this fate.  However, I’m far to drunk to reflect and now I have to go to the store to buy some cream.

I Have Some Reservations

Posted in Stop...Look...Listen with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on January 26, 2011 by Suge White

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Today, I will offer up a first at hustlewomens.com. I will give a review on my favorite television show, No Reservations. This needs to be done, if only because Anthony Bourdain has crushed my less than conciliatory stance towards the French.  Once I get past his ethnic deficiencies, I can’t help but see that this man posses many of the life goals and aspiritations that I hold. He travels the world with the well intentioned goals of eating exotic food, drinking non domestic beer, and generally ridiculing his foreign hosts. His love of alcohol, his appreciation of punk rock, and his questioning of weird Russian men who come across as potentially homosexual, are all qualities that I admire greatly. Dare I say, this show is pure genius. I also live my life with the very natural intention of letting others know that I am better than them, while also feigning interest in their unique perspective, so I can’t help but appreciate this show. But don’t get me wrong. I would love the chance to prove my superiority to Mr. Bourdain himself. With that being declared, just know that I never have to meet the man in order to do so.  One simple sentence will suffice. I have not once tried heroin, let alone done so multiple times. Mr. Womens 1, Mr. No Reservations 0. I win.  Now that I have proved my superiority over such a deeply flawed opponent in a fashion not seen since the Falkland War, I must admit that I have a genuine respect for his man. He eats food I would never dare eat, he probably bangs women I can only dreambof touching, all while doing drugs I would never even attempt to procure. Anthony Bourdain, God speed.