Archive for the Delicious Category

Royal Douchebaggery

Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Great American Pastimes with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on May 12, 2011 by Suge White

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Who else out there hates royalty? I assume that most of the people reading this are raising their hands in agreement (or would be if they weren’t using that hand to beat off while simultaneously scrolling through this column.  Either way, thank god that wedding shit is over. Now my television is crawling its way back to a normal existence.  Show me some violence. Bin Laden comes close but his death without the head shot is like watching soft core porn. It’s still good but it could be much better. On that note, show me some sex or even some good still photos of the royal bride’s cans. Also, occasionally show me Bad Santa on Spike because let’s be honest, that movie is even awesome on basic cable.

Big Up! Fiyamon

Posted in Delicious, Hero, Listen, Shit We Do, Stop...Look...Listen with tags , , on April 2, 2010 by Suge White

A bit of Jamaican flavor

Jamrock, Meet Hustle Womens

Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Great American Pastimes, Shit We Do, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , on March 22, 2010 by Suge White

Tomorrow I leave for Jamaica. Needless to say, I have some big plans for my goons and I.  However, my idea of ‘big plans’ is undoubtedly different than yours.  In short, I have no idea what will happen but I’m prepared for anything.  My travels may lead me to a situation where I might attempt to buy a man’s dreadlock, to use as a weapon in a robbery.  I might even expose myself to Danny Glovers father (I understand that Danny Glover’s  father has nothing to do with Jamaica but I could definitely picture a situation where I see him on the resort or something).  So here is my ‘What to do in Jamaica Top 5 List’.

5. Fuck a coconut

4.  Drink a Red Stripe.. that has been mixed in a blender with a Red Stripe Angelfish

3.  Drunkenly piss on Peter Tosh’s tomb

2.  Quickly attempt to wipe that piss away once I realize I pissed on Peter Tosh’s tomb

1.  Smoke a joint rolled out of a Yellowman album cover… with Yellowman

Yellowman

Across State Lines

Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Look, Shit We Do, Stop...Look...Listen, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 26, 2010 by Suge White

Today I bring you the 70th edition of ‘Who Wants To Be a Creepy Internet Blogger?’. I will discuss my recent trips to Philadelphia and New York, as well as, some other necessary topics. I shall start with Philly. You suck! No, I’m serious. You really suck. I’m trying not to lump all Pennsylvanians together here, because I know some genuinely awesome people from PA (Ok, maybe just know 1 or 2, 3 at the most), but Philly is terrible. Sure, its got history but that’s about it. And don’t even fucking say that they have cheese steaks because I had their cheese steaks and was not impressed.  I got half way through my second sandwich in the Geno’s vs. Pat’s cheese steak challenge when I thought to myself, “These aren’t nearly as good as everyone made them out to be”.  Seriously, a retard in a high school Home Economics class could make a better sandwich, or at least one that is equally unappealing.  All you need is a box of Steak Ums and some nacho cheese and in the words of Emeril Lagasse “BOOM!”, you have a cheese steak.  And that my friends, is nothing to write home about.  Next stop, New York City.  Somehow I’ve managed to go 26 years without stepping foot in the city but it was worth the wait.  It was fucking amazing, especially after my uneventful trip to Philly.  Usually I don’t like people, let alone large groups of them, congregating on every corner of the horizon.  However, New York had so many people, I felt alone… until I told that girl waiting in the bathroom line at the Union Square Starbucks that the toilet was now out-of-order, as I was walking out, adjusting my belt buckle.  surprisingly, the girl laughed at my lame ass brand of toilet humor.  What an amazing world we live in.  It’s as if the city was made to be one giant natural hallucination.  The one thing that my trip to New York left me thinking was, “No wonder they call it the city that never sleeps.  How could you with all those fucking lights?”      

Here are some ridiculous pictures of the Goons and myself gallivanting across state lines.

Bill Burr somes up the people of Philly right here… trust me, watch the whole thing.  its awesome

…But She Wears It Well.

Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Hero, Shit We Do, Stop...Look...Listen with tags , , , , , , , on February 18, 2010 by Suge White

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Hustlewomens.com getting that lady love. I wonder how many ladies I can trick into wearing one of these shirts (the answer is 3 because I only have 3 shirts).

Epic

Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Great American Pastimes, Hero, Listen, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Stop, Stop...Look...Listen with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 16, 2010 by Suge White

Epic.  That is the only word that can describe this past weekend.  Not because it was an especially exciting time but because the failures of the weekend will live on in infamy for years to come.  Lets just put it this way,  the Goons were out in full force and that didn’t bode well for anyone… especially for us Goons.  I’m going to do this Quentin Tarantino style and give you the ending first.  Scrilla (Local Goon) and I were dragged out of the bar.  Then we got into a fight on the sidewalk, during which, no punches were landed.  Epic failure.  It all started with us sucking down John Dalys (iced tea, lemonade, vodka) at a break neck speed.  By the way, John Dalys are now known as Cool Hand Lukes because the mix is much better with the Paul Newman half and half, as opposed to the Arnold Palmer half and half Arizona makes.  Anyway, by the time we left the house we were all Nick Nolte’ed (if you don’t know what that means, see bottom of post).  At the first bar, more work was done, with us drinking several shots in short succession.  However, the work would not last long.  Our time at that bar ended with me dumping my freshly poured Miller Lite into some young ladys lap… and it was NO accident.  I’m sorry, if you are going to be a bitch for no reason at all, you may get a beer dumped on you from time to time.  We aren’t going to get into exactly what she did because first off, I don’t remember and second off, I don’t want the possible facts to get in the way of an awesome memory, in which I swooped in like a super hero and defended my friends’ honor by dumping a beer on some dolled up bitch with a fist up her ass.  This is my blog so I make the fucking rules… and my rules say she deserved it!      

 Nick Nolte

Craig Sager and The Impeccably Purple Gator Skin Boots.

Posted in Delicious, Disaster, Fucked Up People, Hero, Look, Make Decisions, Shit We Do, Uncategorized with tags , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , on February 13, 2010 by Suge White

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Did anyone see Craig Sagers boots at last nights NBA All-Star Rookies vs. Sophomores game? They were, dare I say magical. The man was wearing the finest, purple gator skin, boots that I had ever seen. Actually, they were the only purple gator skin boots that I had ever seen but that should only add to the glory of them This may have been nothing new for Craig but for me, these boots were something straight out of ‘Lord of the Rings’… pure fiction. If you locked Prince and Dog the Bounty Hunter in a room for 3 days in search of some collectively creative, stroke of genius, I would think these shoes would be the eventual byproduct 90% of the time. And the socks? I can’t imagine those boots being worn with anything other than socks made from the fur of the most sexually dominant chinchillas science can find.

K.G. giving it to Craig Sager over his suit…. “You should be butt ass naked.  This should be burnt.”