Gathering My Thoughts…. And That’s Not Good For Anyone.

Here’s to a new year. It’s been a few weeks since I’ve put my insanity out there for the masses. I think my lack of creativity is due to the cold because if my dick is frozen to the side of my leg, the last thing I’ll be doing is writing. Today however, I have pulled apart my appendages, thawed out my frost bitten bait, and am now ready for a little nonsense. Over the last few weeks, I’ve noticed some things that strike me as unacceptable. First things first, these children need to drink more booze. We need to teach these kids to man up and stop being a bunch of pussies.  I don’t care if you’re wearing a diaper, drink more. Control of your bodily fluids has nothing to do with it. Shit, I know some grown ass men that can’t help but piss all over themselves after they get a few cups of the sauce in them… see Sleazy E (former Goon, now heartless pussy). Next line of business: men with pony tails.  In the words of the great Mike Singletary, “Can’t win with them”. Perhaps I should add a line item to this declaration by saying that if you believe in the virtues of hippy-ism, I may give you a pass for the time being, if only to avoid the wrath of some good friends. Other then these select few, no man should be rocking a pony tail because it makes you look some sort of poor man’s Jesus Christ.  Jesus was poor enough. There is no need to try to one-up him. I’m going after Russian dudes next.  Seriously, get your teeth fixed. I’m sorry Ovechkin, that mangled grill of yours doesn’t make you look rugged. It makes you look like a guy who just smoked 5 grams of crack and is now on the hunt for some little girls bicycle to steal. I can see him now, riding down the street on that pink Huffy with the streamers flying off the handle bars, all the while looking like some sort of Wario on meth. You make millions, dude. Go see a dentist. Sticking with the hockey player theme, we will move on to Sidney Crosby. You mustn’t ever wear that dick-broom you call a mustache ever again. Your skills on the ice may be significant but no amount of skill can make up for that disasterous attempt at facial hair. Keep it clean shaven and maybe you won’t be lambasted by me for looking like John Waters, though I will continue to question your sexual preference. Moving on.  John Boehner needs to stop crying. I’m probably the 1,000th person to comment on this but I might be the only one to notice that every time he cries it looks like he just suffered a massive stroke. Move the left side of your mouth dude! Also, if Howard Dean’s maniacal moment of laughter disqualifies him from consideration for a higher office, and it certainly does, I think john Boehner, in all his infancy, should be held to the same standards. Crying is for girls and men that just got kicked in the junk, not for politicians who just want to use their clout to ball-wash the rich. KILL THE RICH, FEED THE POOR!!! Welcome to 2011, I’m out!

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