Epic.  That is the only word that can describe this past weekend.  Not because it was an especially exciting time but because the failures of the weekend will live on in infamy for years to come.  Lets just put it this way,  the Goons were out in full force and that didn’t bode well for anyone… especially for us Goons.  I’m going to do this Quentin Tarantino style and give you the ending first.  Scrilla (Local Goon) and I were dragged out of the bar.  Then we got into a fight on the sidewalk, during which, no punches were landed.  Epic failure.  It all started with us sucking down John Dalys (iced tea, lemonade, vodka) at a break neck speed.  By the way, John Dalys are now known as Cool Hand Lukes because the mix is much better with the Paul Newman half and half, as opposed to the Arnold Palmer half and half Arizona makes.  Anyway, by the time we left the house we were all Nick Nolte’ed (if you don’t know what that means, see bottom of post).  At the first bar, more work was done, with us drinking several shots in short succession.  However, the work would not last long.  Our time at that bar ended with me dumping my freshly poured Miller Lite into some young ladys lap… and it was NO accident.  I’m sorry, if you are going to be a bitch for no reason at all, you may get a beer dumped on you from time to time.  We aren’t going to get into exactly what she did because first off, I don’t remember and second off, I don’t want the possible facts to get in the way of an awesome memory, in which I swooped in like a super hero and defended my friends’ honor by dumping a beer on some dolled up bitch with a fist up her ass.  This is my blog so I make the fucking rules… and my rules say she deserved it!      

 Nick Nolte

2 Responses to “Epic”

  1. HA! I enjoyed this thoroughly.

    ps I have a total ladyboner for Paul Newman

    • What lady doesn’t have a ladyboner for Paul Newman? This is why I’ve been thinking of getting Paul Newman’s face tattooed over my face. It would just be a win-win situation for everyone, especially now that he is passed on. Do you think anyone would notice?

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