Hibernation Complete

sleepy_bearI’ve been in hibernation for the past 3 weeks.  That usually happens after winning the Tournament of Champions.  I guess by winning the T. O. C. you actually lose… at life.  Well anyways, that’s right, I won.  I drank 34 beers in 24 hours.  I could have done better but I didn’t stick to the game plan.  I went out there and just freelanced for 24 hours.  Somehow I came out on top.  Over the past 3 weeks, I’ve bottled up many emotions.  Now those emotions are going to come spewing out.  I’m like a giant ejaculating penis of emotions… that kind of sounds weird but anyways, here it goes.

The first time I ever heard of the show “Locked Up Abroad”, I had a totally different vision of what that show would be like.  However, I was unbelievable disappointed to find out that abroad was 1 word in this case and not 2.  “Locked Up a  Broad” would be a way better show.  (I know it’s not funny after they found that girl, who had been locked in that guys shed for 18 years, but I thought of this premise way before I saw that on the news so this is still funny to me).

Whoever directed the movie ‘Congo’ should be tied down and forced to watch the movie ‘Congo’ for 12 hours straight… and then raped by a gorilla.  I will admit that my only beef with this movie, other than it’s horrendiousness, is that it was on T.V. this morning and Chris (Local Goon… and watcher of terrible movies at strange hours) was watching it with the volume turned up quite high.  I could fucking hear every word from my bedroom.  If I hear one more word about Amy the talking gorilla, I’m going to go outside and strangle something.

What the fuck is the deal with Bud Light Lime?  To all those who have had a Bud Light Lime and enjoyed it… FUCK YOU!  If you want lime in your beer, cut up a fucking  lime and put it in your beer.  I don’t know, or care, what anyone else thinks but I certainly don’t trust Budweisers lime picking abilities.  I can go to the store and pick out my own God damn limes thank you very much!  This is just another way for corporate American to dictate our laziness… and trust me, I’m lazy enough without them giving me a reason to be more lazy.  Also, Bud Light Limes should strictly be for women.  If you’re a man and you drink Bud Light Lime, you need to start sitting down when you pee.  I’m serious.

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One Response to “Hibernation Complete”

  1. T.O.C. silver medalist checking in,
    I just watched Congo the other day too. haha it was terrible, even though I watched the entire movie. I read the book (Michael Crichton) when I was younger, book was dope, Movie sucked. but the shit cracked me up how cheesy it was.
    Fuck Bud Limes

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