A Heavenly Experience

nunsI got accosted by two nuns the other day.  By accosted, I mean that they knocked on my door and I was dumb enough to answer.  I knew they were nuns before I opened the door but for some reason I decided to open it anyway.  Bad idea.  I must have committed several unnecessary sins during this exchange.  At first, I thought that I could have a good old time messing with some nuns alongside Chris and Cait (Local Goons).  That was probably my first sin right there.  Not to mention, I soon realized that these nuns were serious.  Then again, when are nuns not serious?  I started by giving them a fake name because I saw that they intended on writing some of my information down.  After the nuns got all the fake information they needed, they went into their routine.  They explained their love of Jesus and wanted us to admit a similar love.  However, I was distracted by the fact that one of the nuns was actually quite attractive.  Alright, I’ll admit that she was only mildly attractive, at best, but she a fucking nun.  How often does the average person come in contact with a nun?  Let alone a nun with a sweet can?  So maybe I couldn’t see her can underneath that robe but I just knew that it was probably sweet.  She was 23 and looked like she enjoyed a good salad and possessed the knowledge needed to solve difficult math problems.  I thought I was dreaming… or just really fucked up.  Not long after I decided that I wasn’t hallucinating and that this nun was a good looking lady, she started talking about how she left her family to give Jesus her hand in marriage.  What the fuck?  I’m not religious but I certainly don’t feel comfortable about my adulterous thoughts toward Jesus’s wife.  That is definitely sin number two. I hope he’s not pissed at me.  Then again, I think my views about the nun could be seen as a compliment.  Not towards the nun because she clearly made terrible decisions to end up in this situation… such as getting caught tripping on LSD at a Rusted Roots concert by her parents (TRUE STORY).  No, the compliment would be for Jesus and his choice in women.  Sorry Jesus but your wife is hot and this sort of thing is gonna happen.  I really wanted this nun.  Jesus can keep the other nun that was there because she looked like a caricature of a dirty bathroom mop… not sure what that means but there is no way that it can be good.  Bottom line is, I wanted to give this attractive nun the business.  To do this, I continued to listen to their speil while looking interested.   I even let them baptize me.  I wonder if it is a sin to be baptized under an assumed name?  That would be three.  At one point, I went to take a shower while Chris and Cait carried on the conversation.  I made sure when I came out of the bathroom that they got a good look at my body, void of towel cover.  The nuns chuckled and suggested that I promptly head to church to confess.  Exposing yourself to nuns… probably another sin.  That’s four.    Anyway, in the end, they preached for about an hour, handed me a bunch of literature, and left.  I was in shock.  There I stood, with my dick in my hand lusting after some religious fanatic.   God damn you attractive nun, for convincing me to do things that I wouldn’t normally do.  I feel like  I’ve been spiritually raped.

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