Throwing Things

speltloaf1Do you hit women?  Me neither.  Unless you count this weekends incident that included a piece of wheat bread and a poorly timed turn of the head.  I swear to god this was magical.  Let me break it down.  After a night of drinking at neighborhood keg party with Cait, Chris, and the Big Hug (Local Goons), we left for the bar.  We made a quick pit stop at the Bancroft for a certain someone to get their wallet.  Cait decided that she wanted a piece of bread to settle her stomach, which was a more than acceptable idea.  However, what wasn’t acceptable was for her to decide that she was going to eat just the bread with nothing on it and that I too needed a piece of bread.  Who the fuck wants to eat bread with nothing on it?  Make me some toast and put some damn peanut butter on it or something!  The bottom line is that she was totally out of line.  After I scolded her ignorance and refused the bread, she decided to place the bread on top of my head as she walked past me.  I quickly snatched the bread off my head and gave it a good hippie style Frisbee toss towards her .  Unfortunately for her (not for me because this is the best part), she turned her head back at me.  This grain based projectile hit her directly in the eye.  While a piece of bread doesn’t sound like an ideal weapon, imagine catching one just right in the fucking eyeball.  The woman dropped nearly as quickly as a Jews jaw at the gas pump (Jews, please see disclaimer).  I couldn’t believe.  I would’ve felt terrible about the pain she was in except, not only was I not sure whether she was laughing or crying, but I was amazed by what had just transpired.  I disabled a person with a piece of bread that wasn’t even toasted.  I could understand if it was an apple, a beer bottle, or a live squirrel but a fucking piece of wheat bread.  You have got to be kidding me.  In the end, we all made it to the bar, got more drunk, and all laughed at Cait as she continued to wipe away tears from her right eye.  The next morning her eye was black and people at work were calling her Rocky.  The End 


4 Responses to “Throwing Things”

  1. son I like just plain bread sometimes too. Nice shot love that I go away and still get these stories, it’s like I never left.

  2. ill grom the antiqe show Says:

    i have wheat bread taped to my head

  3. ill grom the antiqe show Says:

    i wilkl cutrv ft7yukl

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