Stop Drinking My Beer

red stripebuschlight24Listen folks.  If you’re at a party and you want to steal a beer or two from an unsuspecting partygoer that’s fine.  We’ve all done it.  But you better make sure it’s not a beer that no one else at the party is drinking.  I rolled to a party last night with a 12-pack of Red Stripe.  Everyone else was drinking Busch Light.  After I got back from a trip to the bar, I caught some hippy scum with one of my Red Stripes, freshly opened.  I proceeded to snatch my beer right out of his hand.  This Phish following, back door banger, was all offended and had the balls to ask me what my problem was.  I wanted to hire a transient to rape his face right then but I actually contained my anger.  I lifted up the one remaining Red Stripe that had not been ransacked and politely told him that these were mine.  This dude actually tried to take the beer back.  He said to me “Dude if you leave your beers in the frig somebody is going to drink them, they are open game”.  I think at this point, he understood that I was getting ready to unload a beating of Biblical proportions on his face.  And I don’t usually fight but God help you if you mess with my beverage.  He backed up and regurgitated the following “Dude I don’t see what the big deal is… I’ll give you a Busch Light.  There are plenty in the frig.”  I’m sorry pal, those are strikes 2 and 3 right there.  If I wanted Busch Light, I would have fucking bought Busch Light and if you had Busch Light, why are you drinking my Red Stripe?  For fuck sake, that’s like finding your buddy fucking your mother, only to have him say “What’s the big deal man?  My grandmother is in the other room, have at her.”  Unless your Granny is exceptionally well preserved, I don’t want that.  Give me back my beer and don’t say anything. 

Hacerlo de nuevo y voy a cosechar sus órganos y seco a cabo, a moler, y servir a La Santa (matón local) como tabaco de mascar. 
Now in English – Do that again and I’ll harvest your organs, dry them out, grind them up, and serve them to The Saint (local goon) as chewing tobacco

10 Responses to “Stop Drinking My Beer”

  1. I guess the guy was right. Of course people will take alcohol from the fridge. Have you never been to a party? Hello??? Maybe you should put stickers with your name on the cans.

    • Suge White Says:

      I’ve been to plenty of parties and have stolen beers just the same as I’ve had them stolen from me but I haven’t seen anybody be that stupid with it. It wasn’t a big party, maybe like 10-20 people. No one else was drinking bottles, let alone Red Stripe. Dude stuck out like a sore thumb when he was holding one of those medicine bottle looking Red Stripes, that’s all.

  2. boo beer stealing dickheads…hooray beer

  3. that shit was too fuckin funny, hippies…

  4. lol i feel you on this one suge…fuck those hippie; your world is my world fuckers. you should have had them in your ‘people i want to punch in the face” post lmao… now wheres that red stripe i was drinking….

  5. my bad i meant “faces i want to punch” hahaah that haze will fuck up your writing ability boy i tell ya……well back to my backwood hahaha

    • Suge White Says:

      I know what you mean my dude… that kush will fuck up your business too… by the way, I definitely want to punch them in the face so it’s all the same.

  6. Halfie Williams Says:

    I stole a keg once at a party. well really we just picked it up and hid it so we had our own supply of stolen beer yumm

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