Online Shopping for Men

online_shopping_747-7319162some-dudeWhy must we allow technology to destroy mankind? I see only two reasons why online shopping should ever be acceptable for a man. You either live too far away from the store that sells a given product or you can’t buy the product directly from the store. If your cruising the web and find a good deal on tickets to a sporting event, or some cool beer helmets, or a used Amy Winehouse crack pipe, go for it and buy the damn thing. But don’t look to buy everything online. There is no need for it. You should be able to occasionally get up and move. It’s like fat people and pizza delivery. Even the most Jabba the Hut looking people occasionally roll out of bed to go out to dinner buffets and shit. You should make the same effort. The thought that some guy out there is sitting at home in front of a computer, masturbating to porn, and then, within minutes of finishing himself off, is purchasing a Mothers Day gift is absolutely unimaginable. Talk about an Oedipus Complex. Its perfectly exceptable to read the news or watch a clip on youtube after looking at porn but it is not cool to buy your mother a gift after doing so. On top of that, you are simply sitting there getting fatter and therefore making it increasingly necessary to masturbate in front of a computer. No woman wants a man that can’t get off his ass to buy something at the store. Nor do women want a man who is incessantly masturbating. Actually maybe they do. I don’t know. I’m not a woman. But seriously though, go out and walk around a store for a little while and burn some calories. Once you have found the right gift, feel free to go home and tug on it some more. Actually fuck that… once a day should be enough so go play fetch with the dog or something.

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